The Truth Doesn’t Wait For Shitty Dimensions

Last night I dreamed I was playing Eve,Some watered-down version

Simplified, marketable

As in a K-Mart circular

And asked my brain, while still asleep, to dream about something else cause I was bored and disgusted

The great thing about lucidity: it even tells what’s trite to fuck off

And the mind knows when its time is being wasted on marketing instead of real meat.

I don’t know what truth is, but I do know that it’s not for shitty dimensions and it won’t have its time wasted in high school angst.

My dreams have commercials in them now.

What to do?

Go back to Square One, the TV show, relearn the math,

How equations work

Learn how to check your work

Instead of vainly asking others to check your homework when an adult, wasting their time,

Or waiting for likes, hearts, stars, nods, 👍🏻, 😀 for ego purposes

Or standing by while the best things in life become commercialized (what results from apathy and fear sixty-nining each other)

Or be eternally damned into the hell of waiting for approval

And there’s no Eve for Dummies book

Or Calculus for Dummies

(Or if there is, there shouldn’t be)

Or a Writing Blog Poetry for Dummies

Or a Hugging for Dummies

But there will be.

Just give it time.

Privilege is inserting commercials into my dreams, my dreams of you, privilege, that nasty beast of an enabler who allows me to get by on deciding what gets to be real.

Taking you away from me

And I can’t stand by and let it

(But I already have)

So all there is to do is go back to basic math, open the Course III math book from the class I failed two years in a row and only graduated in time because of the .5 in the 64.5 I got on the Regents exam,

Do the problems alone

Twenty years later

And tell myself that I’m good enough

Always was

And learn to love that as truth

And I’ve lost you

And that won’t do

Because all we ever had was time and each other.

Come meet me in the dark high school classroom and bring that precalc book

And we’ll both laugh at our teenage awkwardness that we’ll always have.

To me, that is heaven.

-LCK 2016

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